Unhinged

Unhinged Episode #023: Helplessly Hoping

by Ed 0 Comments
Unhinged Episode #023: Helplessly Hoping

We’re back! In this episode, Doug talks about the results of his MEG scan and how he’s feeling after weeks of unbearable anxiety. His scans show that there are three DBS settings that were showing activity, so at least now, when adjusting the DBS, it can be done with some intelligence behind it rather than trial and error guessing. This new setting holds some promise, and we’re hoping it sticks.

We also talk a bit about the pros and cons of socialized medicine, and how quality healthcare should be available for all, not just those who can afford it. Doug’s life was saved by Canadian healthcare, but at the same time, there are struggles when it comes to long waits for appointments, and finding doctors who will treat patients as humans and not lab rats.

Lastly, we mention that Doug and I are collaborating on some music that we plan to release in the future as an album available for purchase from our website. We provide a small taste of something we’re working on (hint: see the title of this episode).

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 52:31 — 120.2MB)

Unhinged Episode #022: Trepidations

by Ed 0 Comments
Unhinged Episode #022: Trepidations

Doug is back! But only briefly to explain what he’s been going through and what it means for the future of our podcast. Don’t worry, we will continue in one form or another, but we must now consider Doug’s mental health and whether talking so personally about his daily struggles is a potential trigger or source for stress and anxiety. It’ll take us a couple of weeks to figure out, but we definitely want to continue the show. We may just not be able to be as rigid with our release dates, and the show format may change. We just don’t know the details yet.

Thank you to our listeners for sticking around and for all the well-wishes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 17:45 — 40.7MB)

Unhinged Episode #021: Fear

by Ed 1 Comment
Unhinged Episode #021: Fear

Last episode, we discussed how Doug was unable to join us due to his off-the-charts anxiety. This past week, his anxiety has continued like a roller coaster. Unfortunately, his disease is again keeping him from participating. We chatted a few days ago and he told me that the past week has felt more like years. Having been in what’s essentially a weeks long panic attack, he said he’s starting to wonder if anxiety is more than just a side effect of the DBS. What if it’s more of a base aspect of his personality, or at the very least a co-symptom of his mental illness? Is the anxiety caused by the depression, or is the depression caused by the anxiety?

This is just a quick update episode, so it’s very short. We’re hoping to do a full, proper show next week if Doug’s disease allows it. Thank you for understanding.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 3:42 — 8.5MB)

Unhinged Episode #020: Return to Pooh Corner

by Ed 2 Comments
Unhinged Episode #020: Return to Pooh Corner

If you’ve been following the podcast, you’ll know that Doug has been on a roller coaster ride with his treatment resistant depression, being in remission for quite a while, then falling back down, then coming back out of it again. In our last episode, he was on an upswing, having just come out of a deep downward spiral that lasted 3 weeks. So things were looking good again. Unfortunately, that brief glimpse of normalcy has not lasted, and he is again suffering.

He was hoping to be better enough to do the show today, but his anxiety right now is through the roof. So instead of trying to do the show by myself today, I think I’ll play some highlights from our past 19 episodes.

There’s also a surprise song I recorded at the end of this episode. It’s a song that Doug taught me on guitar several years ago. I’m dedicating it to him in hopes of another remission, and one that lasts.

-Ed

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 23:19 — 32.1MB)

Unhinged Episode #019: A New Hope

by Ed 1 Comment
Unhinged Episode #019: A New Hope

After a long three weeks of relapse, Doug is finally starting to emerge from the darkness. In this episode, Doug recalls some of what he was feeling during that time… the anger, the frustration, the hopelessness. We also respond to a couple of emails we received about Episode #18: Relapse Part 2 – The Call. Apparently, the frankness and reality of our last episode struck a chord with some listeners in a good way. Hearing that our show has actually helped anyone is a huge validation of everything we’re trying to do. Thank you!

Lastly, we talk about Doug’s recent magnetoencephalography (MEG) session, where multiple settings were dialed in on his DBS, then his brain scanned. Being able to image his brain activity with differing DBS settings should hopefully provide some insight into what exactly the DBS is doing and how his brain is reacting. Now we wait for the analysis of his results.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 44:02 — 60.5MB)

Show resources:

Unhinged Episode #018: Relapse Part 2 – The Call

by Ed 2 Comments
Unhinged Episode #018: Relapse Part 2 – The Call
NOTE: This episode contains very strong language and disturbing subject matter. This is a real life documentation of a person in a desperate state, wanting his pain to end. Listener discretion is advised.

Since the 4th of July, Doug’s mood has been steadily dropping, effectively ending his two-month remission from his treatment-resistant depression. On July 16th, he called me in a very low state to warn me that I should be prepared for the worst.

This episode is a recording of that phone call… totally raw, emotional, and unscripted. He was unaware that I was recording our conversation until I revealed that to him at the end of the call.

We then agreed that it would make a powerful episode to show just how this disease can bring someone to the brink of desperation.

We apologize for the length of this episode, but we felt we had to show the distorted thinking and circular discussions of someone in this state. We also apologize that the audio quality is not quite up to our standards, but since this was impromptu, Doug was not on his podcast mic at the time.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:21:30 — 109.3MB)

Unhinged Episode #017: Relapse Part 1

by Ed 0 Comments
Unhinged Episode #017: Relapse Part 1

NOTE: This podcast was recorded on July 10th and talks about Doug beginning to relapse right after recording our previous episode about his remission. After this episode, Doug has unfortunately continued this downward trend, and on next week’s show, you will hear an emotionally raw phone call between Doug and Ed. Stay tuned.

In this episode, we discuss the unfortunate beginnings of a relapse after two-and-a-half months of remission. For no apparent reason, Doug’s mood has suddenly dropped and he is struggling to make sense of it all, especially in light of the news that he was born with a genetic abnormality in his brain.

We also talk about some advancements with ketamine and its dissociative effects.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 42:55 — 66.5MB)

Unhinged Episode #016: Mission Remission

by Ed 0 Comments
Unhinged Episode #016: Mission Remission

NOTE: This podcast was recorded on July 3rd and deals with Doug’s recent 2-month remission. However, as of July 4th, Doug’s mood has taken a downward turn, so the declaration of a full remission was a bit premature. We will have more information about this on next week’s show, so please stay tuned. In the meantime, please enjoy episode #16.

This week’s episode deals with Doug’s recent two-month remission. Technically, a two-month period with no major depressive symptoms is considered a full remission. This is where he is right now, but how long will it last?

We also learn about the true origins of Doug’s mental illness. There is now scientific proof that his genetics have a great deal to do with his treatment-resistant depression. The good news is that a DNA profile, combined with advanced brain imaging techniques, helps doctors more accurately try different therapies and medications that are better targeted at an individual. This should help usher out the era of stab-in-the-dark medicine, and begin a new era of targeted, customized, and more effective treatments.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 47:05 — 63.2MB)

Unhinged Episode #015: Brothers in Arms

by Ed 0 Comments
Unhinged Episode #015: Brothers in Arms

In this episode, we welcome special guest Jamie Rickel, Doug’s older brother and de-facto family liaison. Jamie has come to understand Doug’s plight and that his disease is not something he can control.

The discussion gives us a look at Doug’s early childhood from Jamie’s point of view. Jamie also talks about when he noticed Doug having mental health issues, his drug use, the family intervention, and how their parents handled everything.

Join us in this emotional episode as we discover more about their family dynamic.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:15:04 — 100.7MB)

Unhinged Episode #014: Texting Truths and Brain Facts

by Ed 1 Comment
Unhinged Episode #014: Texting Truths and Brain Facts

Another month’s end, another situational downward turn. In our 14th episode, we discuss how living under the poverty line puts any mental illness recovery in danger. Doug’s situation is no exception as he struggles to survive for eight days with a zero balance. We re-enact a texting conversation we had in preparation for the show that outlines just how negative, sarcastic, and angry one can get when control over normal, mundane things is lost.

On the lighter side, we present another round of interesting facts about the brain.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:35 — 51.8MB)

Show resources: