Ed, Author at Unhinged - Page 7 of 9

ANNOUNCEMENT: Show Delayed…

by Ed 0 Comments

If you follow our show, you know that the last two episodes have been done without Doug since he was struggling with severe anxiety and was unable to participate. Normally, we record an episode every Sunday and publish it every Tuesday. This past Sunday was again a no-go since Doug’s anxiety was still very high.

Today (Monday) Doug is actually feeling slightly better and thinks he might be able to record an episode tomorrow night. If we can do that, we should be able to get a show out this week. This is what we’re shooting for right now, but like with any mental illness, nothing is a guarantee.

Doug feels very passionate about this, and as of last night’s discussion, he wants to fight through all the discomfort and put together a show not only to prove something to himself, but to prove something to the listeners that are all too valuable to us. He will not let this disease win.

So that’s where we stand right now. We’re hoping for a show this week, and will try our best to deliver. I don’t want to put out another show by myself since I think Unhinged works best when we’re both on. Worst case, we take a little break until we’re ready to pick up again. Hope you understand.

Stay tuned right here so you don’t miss a thing! Thank you for listening and for all of your support!

Oh, and by the way, today is Doug’s birthday 🙂

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Unhinged Episode #021: Fear

by Ed 1 Comment
Unhinged Episode #021: Fear

Last episode, we discussed how Doug was unable to join us due to his off-the-charts anxiety. This past week, his anxiety has continued like a roller coaster. Unfortunately, his disease is again keeping him from participating. We chatted a few days ago and he told me that the past week has felt more like years. Having been in what’s essentially a weeks long panic attack, he said he’s starting to wonder if anxiety is more than just a side effect of the DBS. What if it’s more of a base aspect of his personality, or at the very least a co-symptom of his mental illness? Is the anxiety caused by the depression, or is the depression caused by the anxiety?

This is just a quick update episode, so it’s very short. We’re hoping to do a full, proper show next week if Doug’s disease allows it. Thank you for understanding.

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Unhinged Episode #020: Return to Pooh Corner

by Ed 2 Comments
Unhinged Episode #020: Return to Pooh Corner

If you’ve been following the podcast, you’ll know that Doug has been on a roller coaster ride with his treatment resistant depression, being in remission for quite a while, then falling back down, then coming back out of it again. In our last episode, he was on an upswing, having just come out of a deep downward spiral that lasted 3 weeks. So things were looking good again. Unfortunately, that brief glimpse of normalcy has not lasted, and he is again suffering.

He was hoping to be better enough to do the show today, but his anxiety right now is through the roof. So instead of trying to do the show by myself today, I think I’ll play some highlights from our past 19 episodes.

There’s also a surprise song I recorded at the end of this episode. It’s a song that Doug taught me on guitar several years ago. I’m dedicating it to him in hopes of another remission, and one that lasts.

-Ed

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Unhinged Episode #019: A New Hope

by Ed 1 Comment
Unhinged Episode #019: A New Hope

After a long three weeks of relapse, Doug is finally starting to emerge from the darkness. In this episode, Doug recalls some of what he was feeling during that time… the anger, the frustration, the hopelessness. We also respond to a couple of emails we received about Episode #18: Relapse Part 2 – The Call. Apparently, the frankness and reality of our last episode struck a chord with some listeners in a good way. Hearing that our show has actually helped anyone is a huge validation of everything we’re trying to do. Thank you!

Lastly, we talk about Doug’s recent magnetoencephalography (MEG) session, where multiple settings were dialed in on his DBS, then his brain scanned. Being able to image his brain activity with differing DBS settings should hopefully provide some insight into what exactly the DBS is doing and how his brain is reacting. Now we wait for the analysis of his results.

Show resources:
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Unhinged Episode #018: Relapse Part 2 – The Call

by Ed 2 Comments
Unhinged Episode #018: Relapse Part 2 – The Call
NOTE: This episode contains very strong language and disturbing subject matter. This is a real life documentation of a person in a desperate state, wanting his pain to end. Listener discretion is advised.

Since the 4th of July, Doug’s mood has been steadily dropping, effectively ending his two-month remission from his treatment-resistant depression. On July 16th, he called me in a very low state to warn me that I should be prepared for the worst.

This episode is a recording of that phone call… totally raw, emotional, and unscripted. He was unaware that I was recording our conversation until I revealed that to him at the end of the call.

We then agreed that it would make a powerful episode to show just how this disease can bring someone to the brink of desperation.

We apologize for the length of this episode, but we felt we had to show the distorted thinking and circular discussions of someone in this state. We also apologize that the audio quality is not quite up to our standards, but since this was impromptu, Doug was not on his podcast mic at the time.

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Unhinged Episode #017: Relapse Part 1

by Ed 0 Comments
Unhinged Episode #017: Relapse Part 1

NOTE: This podcast was recorded on July 10th and talks about Doug beginning to relapse right after recording our previous episode about his remission. After this episode, Doug has unfortunately continued this downward trend, and on next week’s show, you will hear an emotionally raw phone call between Doug and Ed. Stay tuned.

In this episode, we discuss the unfortunate beginnings of a relapse after two-and-a-half months of remission. For no apparent reason, Doug’s mood has suddenly dropped and he is struggling to make sense of it all, especially in light of the news that he was born with a genetic abnormality in his brain.

We also talk about some advancements with ketamine and its dissociative effects.

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Unhinged Episode #016: Mission Remission

by Ed 0 Comments
Unhinged Episode #016: Mission Remission

NOTE: This podcast was recorded on July 3rd and deals with Doug’s recent 2-month remission. However, as of July 4th, Doug’s mood has taken a downward turn, so the declaration of a full remission was a bit premature. We will have more information about this on next week’s show, so please stay tuned. In the meantime, please enjoy episode #16.

This week’s episode deals with Doug’s recent two-month remission. Technically, a two-month period with no major depressive symptoms is considered a full remission. This is where he is right now, but how long will it last?

We also learn about the true origins of Doug’s mental illness. There is now scientific proof that his genetics have a great deal to do with his treatment-resistant depression. The good news is that a DNA profile, combined with advanced brain imaging techniques, helps doctors more accurately try different therapies and medications that are better targeted at an individual. This should help usher out the era of stab-in-the-dark medicine, and begin a new era of targeted, customized, and more effective treatments.

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Important News

by Ed 0 Comments

Hello Unhinged fans and listeners. This is Ed, co-founder and co-host of the podcast. As you may have noticed, we haven’t posted much in the last few days. There’s a reason for that, and it’s unfortunately not great news.

As many of you have seen, Doug recently posted about his two-month remission and how he’s been cautiously optimistic about recovery. As a matter of fact, our next show, episode #16, which is scheduled to be released on July 12th, is all about his remission and some interesting new facts he learned about the origins of his mental illness. The show has already been recorded, and it’s a mostly positive discussion.

However, for the past several days, Doug has taken a turn for the worse and is again experiencing debilitating symptoms. He is very angry, depressed, and frustrated to say the least. He has no energy to move and even skipped out on going to a baseball game that someone gave him tickets to, which he was excited about just last week. I’ve been trying to motivate him to change his routine to no avail. We’ve talked, but all that comes out of his mouth is negativity and anger, which makes it very difficult to have a productive conversation.

Underneath it all, he knows and understands that it is the disease talking, and I get that too. But I won’t lie and say it’s easy to take. It’s not. I miss the real Doug, the one who had me in tears laughing when we recorded some of our silly bits in episode #13. I miss the Doug that I can talk to for hours about music and comedy. And I miss the Doug that is positive and thinking about how well he is doing fighting to get his life back. The Doug I’ve been talking to the last few days is a false one, taken over by an evil beast of a disease. The hardest parts are those fleeting moments where his true self bleeds through, if only for a sentence or two. Like he’s fighting to get a message out to me that says “don’t listen to him, that’s not me!”

I hear you, brother. And I’m still here for you, waiting.

In the meantime, I am trying to get an update recorded and added to our next show to explain to our listeners that the remission has decided to take a little break for now. Not sure what we’ll do for the show after that, but we’ll take it one day at a time.

Thank you all again for your continued support.

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Unhinged Episode #015: Brothers in Arms

by Ed 0 Comments
Unhinged Episode #015: Brothers in Arms

In this episode, we welcome special guest Jamie Rickel, Doug’s older brother and de-facto family liaison. Jamie has come to understand Doug’s plight and that his disease is not something he can control.

The discussion gives us a look at Doug’s early childhood from Jamie’s point of view. Jamie also talks about when he noticed Doug having mental health issues, his drug use, the family intervention, and how their parents handled everything.

Join us in this emotional episode as we discover more about their family dynamic.

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